Love the one you're with

Hmmmm, pondering some things here.

This guy I've been seeing for a couple of months now is leaving in about six weeks. It's a relo for a new job. He told me about it on our first date. I went into this thing knowing that we only had a few weeks together. I kept talking about it very matter-of-factly and tried not to see any kind of future with him.

However, the more intimate you get with someone, the more you fall for them. The other night I looked at his sleeping face next to me and smiled and then said "Oh, Shit!" in my head. Shit, I'm falling for him. There's a chance the l-word could be applied, but I'm sure as hell not tempting fate and uttering it, even in the most academic sense. Crap, what now? I ask myself. How do I turn this off? What if I don't want to? What if we can somehow transcend the miles in some form or fashion? I know, I know, you can't. Long distance relationships never ever work -- and quite frankly, I'm not the long distance relationship type of girl. I like and need my man to be here with me now giving me the emotional and physical support and connection I desire. That's just me. So, where does this leave me?

Well, I'm trying to take it in stride, accept what life has to offer, and be thankful that I've found someone to spend at least this finite time with.

I like him -- no I don't -- yes I do. . .

Okay, maybe I like him. But then why do I keep picking him to pieces? Why do we fall for someone and then feel some need to disect them -- in an effort to find what's wrong because there must be something wrong?

I've met this great guy. He's tall, dark, handsome, sexy, respectful, delightful, delicious, smart, funny, successful, etc. And just when I'm happy thinking all this wonderful stuff about him, my brain does this thing -- it's thinks of something -- the one thing -- that's wrong. And it focuses in on it like a laser. And then it tries to find more. Even though I logically know that all humans are flawed and I, myself, am not perfect, why must I pick apart this beautiful man? Why do we do this?

It's getting annoying. Why can't I just revel in his wonderfulness and be happy? Am I crazy or is this just part of the process of dating?

What? Where? Huh?

Yeah, so it's been a little while since I last posted. I've been happily living life -- not all happy mind you . . . but I've been living my life, and from my vantage point, that's pretty happy no matter what's going on.

Before I left from whence I came, my therapist told me that no matter where I moved, my baggage would always find me, eventually. Well, it certainly has! Not in the obvious ways I thought -- but in the sly subtle ways that only life can utilize. With humour and a dash of irony. Who can live without irony?

Anyhow, I'm trying to figure out what I am going to say on this thing -- I thought I would say a lot, but privacy concerns have really taken hold and now I just don't know.

I thought there would be more typical LA stuff, but I just don't live around all of that - no loss! I would really hate to quote OC girls or Nicole Ritchie-isms as a hobby!

Anyhow, if anyone is still checking to see if I'm alive -- I am and at some point I will figure out what I can say. I guess I'm just too skiddish right now.

Star Trek Meets Monty Python

Feeling funny today :)

Wonderful

As I was watching LA Story for the zillionth time, I realized that this is the kind of love I want. Not some random hook-up or party-boy, but the kind of substance that knocks you off your feet. The swoon, the dizzy, the over-whelming need to be with them; the nausea, the butterflies, the inability to concentrate on anything else. The daydreaming, the wonder, the playful thoughts; the desire, the like, the love of everything that is them.

Does this exist? We have all felt it, but was it real? Was it just some figment of our over-active and needy imagination? Was it temporary? Does it fade? Or was it our own little brief love story playing out in our heads? Is this something for which we should wait and pine, or should we settle for what people tell us is real?

Isn’t the wonder wonderful? Yes, this is what I want.

Dog Days

On a lighter note, my doggie came to live with me last week. She stayed with my ex when I left to come to LA because my apartment was old and tiny and disgusting and she has allergies and some stress issues. So I missed her immensely counting the days until I could live with her again. She's acclimating nicely. She loves the balcony and sitting for hours in the sun breathing in the salty ocean air. She barks at a couple of dogs she's already decided she doesn't like. She has her favorite spots to tinkle and poo and she loves to piddle around and sniff everything she can on our walks. I took her to the beach the other day and let her just walk around out there. She's okay with the beach, but she's no "beach dog." She's more of a frou-frou city dog sans the little jackets and shoes because, let's face it, that's just sad. For the last few days I've been trying to get her to sit with me on the sofa and snuggle with me in bed like she used to but she was maintaining her distance sitting on the floor and sleeping at the foot of the bed. But last night all that changed; she spent the evening with me watching "The New Adventures of Old Christine" (every divorced woman's staple!) while sipping wine (also a staple!) and then she snuggled with me in bed. I was so happy. I woke up this morning to my old friend all bouncy and happy and prancing around in bed and doing that tiny growly thing she does when she wants me to get up and let her outside. She's just lovely and I am so happy to live with my friend again.

The Jack-Rabbit

AKA: Monkey-fucking, Jack-Hammering, Rabbit-fucking

BlueBabe was interviewed by Wombat on BlogTalk Radio tonight where she mentioned something that had me laughing til I cried. She talked about how an ex of hers would . . . sleep with her . . . in a ridiculously fast, repetitive, awful motion. I laughed because I'm intimately familiar with this as my ex-husband did this all the time. I tried to reposition him or shift or divert his attention, but like a monkey, he just kept on banging away. I would lie there looking up at the ceiling thinking, "WTF is this?! How does he think this is good? How can this be good?!"

Catty side-note: And with him, there wasn't even anything to feel when this was going on. We talked about it a few times and he honestly didn't know what I was talking about. Or he feigned ignorance or something. Anyhow, he kept on doing it. BlueBabe also talked about how even a bad relationship can be sustained with good sex -- well, there was no saving my marriage! No good sex, no good relationship, no nothin'!

Oh, thanks BlueBabe for making me laugh so hard! I'm sure I'll have to deal with that again, but at least it won't be with my ex ever again. Anyone else have this problem or a variant of it? Or just something ghastly you want to share? :)